It wasn't long ago when they put the mentally ill inside an asylum and left them to rot in there. But today it has been made difficult around the world to find a place that can treat you if you have low income or live in a country that makes mental illness a taboo. So what are you left to do when it seems no one understands, the general physician is not that familiar with mental illnesses like bipolar or panic disorders, and you are stuck because it will either take months to see a psychiatrists as they are all booked up, or because you have no insurance.
One of the toughest parts of mental illness is realizing when you need some help be it medicines, friendly or filial support, or just some techniques to bring you back to reality and none of those are available. I heard that someone I know was going to end it and because I came out and spoke openly about what I have been through that it change that person's perspective. Sometimes it only takes a supportive pal, or a helping hand to get someone to realize he/she is important.
To be very honest there were times in my deepest darkest days were I wish I had died with the failed pregnancies, or did not care if I were to get hit by a car and die and so on (you get the picture). I never felt I wanted to commit suicide but I did have a lack of care about my own life. I did my routine of showering and kind of eating but I just would sleep or lay there and not care. If I was in school I would put all my focus on my work because it dragged me out of my depressed reality. I am sure many people have felt that way thought. A feeling of 'who cares if I die' or 'no one will notice if I die right now'. When I was younger I would purposely lay on my bedroom flow and see if anyone would notice me laying there pretending to be dead. My mom of course did when she was home, but there were times I felt no one would have noticed.
Today I know my husband and mother would notice most of all (and of course my best friend but she wouldn't be living by me to notice right away). It is bad when you start to become very curious about death. Yes everyone thinks about what death means and what will happen but there is a difference between that thinking and the thoughts of death when you are manically depressed.
It's like this- you know how when someone tells you not to do something you get extremely curious and end up doing it to see what happens- or you know you should do action X but you do it anyway to see the outcome- well that's the kind of disturbing curiosity I am referring to when someone is severely depressed. The thoughts role through your mind like 'well it's either better being dead or being dead means nothing' and then that impulse comes flushing in--- 'so what would happen if I just died right now, I kind of want to just know what will happen'. You feel that flood over you because you feel so helpless, alone and stigmatized that you can't imagine death being worse than this life. Death will at least end the mental anguish, the fighting between your rational and mentally ill irrational side, and will end the feeling that everyone treats you or looks at you like you are less than or stupid because you have a mental illness.
But just wait. Do not let those feelings crumble you to the ground. We all have something unique about us that makes us beautiful, and in modern times not many people can see it in themselves. The feel so lonely, so distant from people and the world, so much like they are so extraordinarily different because of mental illness that they cannot see the beauty within. However, there are others that can see it in you, that look at you in amazement. Those people are the ones you need to have as your support. The ones that can say "hey you're worth it, you're a good honest, kind, so and so person" and can find or already know the way to help you. These people are the ones that are open to understanding just how you feel and what goes on in that mind of yours. Letting the depression ruin you is easy, and fighting that urge to do nothing or feel like nothing is difficult. Yet there are ways out. Sadly, some people are just so deeply hurried in sorrow and sadness that they cannot find their way out. I think that those people never quite had the support and love they needed.
The taboo of being mentally ill is a cause of concern for many. This kind of thinking causes those with mental illnesses to feel even more ostracized and left behind. It is actually a good thing asylums don't exist (at least for me) because I believe that perpetuates the mental illness. You are dropped of at some strange place, left to the will of the staff who were not always so nice, and were left to just rot away in there. I can only imagine what those people felt like. And as far as I know it didn't take much to be put in one against your will. Of course now a days they do have psych wards and I am sure plenty of those people feel quite similar to the left behind asylum residents. I find this horrifying. Yes of course there are some illnesses that really incapacitate a person to the point that the family cannot take care of them adequately and the best thing to do is have hospice or whatever take care of them. Yet, people that are maniacally depressed being thrown into places like that I don't think is very helpful. I think it is more helpful for them to be able to talk to their families without being judged or treated differently, and that it is significantly more inspiring and helpful to be able to go see psychiatrists and psychologists in their offices when you need to. This is not really possible today though. Many times because there are so many mentally ill people untreated that any clinic that offers free or discounted visits is over booked. I think an online support group that group Skypes or an online visit with a psychiatrist would be extremely helpful.
I think bringing mental illness awareness to the forefront of issues needing to be dealt with is crucial. If we paid attention to this area in social life we may be able to open our eyes to many of the triggers. People being overworked and underpaid, people not having good opportunities to further their education, economic struggles, a lack of compassion from medical centers (as they have become overwhelmingly greedy and upping surgery and other care prices thousands of dollars more than what they were just ten years ago), family neglect, stereotyping and discrimination, and a lack of understanding about mental illness in general can affect those suffering.
Manic depression is not a joke. It can lead to a very impulsive behavior leading to serious physical harm or death. It may lead to a lack of caring for life, and may just cause this person to burn bridges to all his/her necessary positions in life.
Do not treat people like they are just so stupid that they do not get what you are talking about, or like your smarter than them because that only instigated the problem. That person doesn't want to feel judged in that way or seen as less than or dumb just because they are dealing with psychological issues, and open your mind to understanding what is affecting this individual to become so depressed and be very careful to be polite around that subject or gentle in bringing it up. Often times people are told why the person feels the way they do and after about a week the person who is there for support loses interest in why that depressed person is feeling so. Like I said in a previous post when someone dies that you are close to it affects you for a long period while it only affects a person who wasn't close to that person a short period. So be aware that you are not always acting as if you still care and don't 'get sick' of hearing about your friend or family member's issues because that just makes us feel no one cares at all. If the depressed person needs to talk or cry or scream support them. Help them realize getting help is the best way to go because I wouldn't have gotten help had it not been for my husband being there for me and constantly dealing with my antics and depression. Be kind and love !
Lea Silva
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